Unconditional incomplete Love , that I couldn't confess!!

Love is believed to be a strong feeling of attraction towards something or somebody. It is essential and is believed that love has made the world goes in a proper manner. It's not simple to define love with words because it's quite stronger than any weapon in the world and can destroy anyone. Love being used by anyone has increased its attitude these days and lost its pure form of some beliefs. Love has many good sides if we analyze it. If you love someone or something, you never see the negative sides of that love you're doing with. Love just covers the bad side and the consequences which will come along with it for quite a reasonable time. Love first starts with having a crush on the things or person with whom you are going to develop the feeling of love. Some people love lavishing wealth, luxurious cars, houses, a good life, a beautiful wife, complete family, but having everything with them something must be missing and that is satisfaction. 

Love birds

At a young age, every people love something. Either it's a person or a passion. It's obvious and natural to have an attraction towards the opposite sex. Love doesn't see color, caste, religion, race, and age either. People say that for a person to fall in love 8 seconds are more than enough and I believe them absolutely. Various types of love people talk about maybe temporary, first sight love, and one that is called forever love. Personally, I believe in love and not on just any love but the true one. Yes, I have very much passionate about writing and I love spending time thinking about various dreams that I could never fulfill. I am just a regular guy with nothing special to lure people towards me. Although, I am tall with silky hair with modest behavior.

Talking about love, it's like a disease and a very communicable one. It touches and infected almost everyone in the world. Maybe the type and way of infection of it are different but it had not spared anyone, not even God. The thing that has infected God has started to show mild symptoms of infection on me too. I have too infected with love. I had seen her several times since childhood as we are from the same village. Although we had seen each other couple of times in childhood, we haven't got the chance to talk for even 15 minutes. We went to a different school and never crosses paths of ours there. It all started after we moved to the city from the village for further study after SLC(now it's called SEE). In class 11, she asked me for a practical book on biology and I went to give it to her in the thought to meet her but as my bad luck, she wasn't there.  Some other people collected books on her behalf. In the final exam of class 12, we met at the bus stop where our college bus picks us to take us to the exam center. The meeting was just a couple of minutes with just saying hi and preparation for the exam. That was the day when I  started to obsessed with her presence. Every day of the exam, I always look for her at the same place but I was not lucky enough because her bus came early and left that place too. After the exam, I went to Kathmandu for preparation for further study and our chats on online media have stopped completely.

After the completion of the preparation, I returned home. I messaged her but got ignorance in return. I was busy on various entrance exams at that time and got a seat at Agriculture and forestry university. I later found out she started her bachelor's study on faculty Bsc nursing. I was happy that she got engaged in the medical field because joining the medical field has always been my hobby which was still an unachievable task for my life. I always appreciate her joining the medical field. Our online chat got colored at bachelors first year quite frequently and completely seized on the first 6 months of the second year. She never knew that I was addicted to her and was so much awaited for her single message. I used to read all messages she sent previously. I hadn't got that guts to her that how obsessed I am with her and the importance of her in my life. I once asked her does she have a boyfriend and she told me that she will tell me later but she never did. She often ignores my message like children ignores veggies. She used to see my messages and never replied in those 6 months. My roommate knew this bad addiction of mine on her and he suggested to read the sign. The sign of her that ignores you means she hates you. 

But I kept my hope alive for her. I don't know why I was so addicted to her  Maybe that's the love, maybe you didn't want anything in return in love. That's why people say love is pure if it started with the heart. Maybe I was addicted to her passionately in a selfless way just begging for the reply and maybe a quality 15 minutes of my life. There are ten thousand millions of metric tons of feelings that I couldn't figure out in words and express flawlessly. Everything bit by bit, I have saved on my heart. Love is also like an addiction that ultimately destroys you but slowly. I have tried every possible way to get her attention. I have asked her phone number and even messaged her twice, but her ignorance level is so toxic that it kills my feelings rapidly. Maybe she had that rocky heart that never melts or maybe she didn't know how much I care about her. Although I never got that courage to confess in front of her. So, this feeling was like cancer which is spreading inside me and needs treatment as soon as possible. So, I had made up my mind to forget her by engaging in other works. This leaving her feeling did not originate itself, but has a deep reason behind it. When I was scrolling in Facebook I saw a post saying that " Before falling in a relationship, nobody cares but as I fall in a relationship I happened to know my best friend loves me and 2 of my best friend have a crush on me" and she had commented with an exhaustive emoji. 

So until and unless you have the courage to confess your love it's okay but if you didnot want to open about a relationship, just write it on a paper, either give it to her or dump it in the dust bin because it will help you to move on. This incomplete love of mine towards her will remain forever because see I completed my confession without mentioning her name!!

Nama Raj Bhusal.

Beginning of a new era to change the world via words.