A simple four-letter word has tremendous power to make a human either most powerful or disastrous psychologically. We humans knowingly unknowingly love many physical, non-physical, living, non-living stuff that drives us emotionally or sentimentally crazy for it. Love these days also has been so narrowed by people just to attraction and believe me if you googled the definition of love it will show that love is just an attraction for sex between the opposite sex. A person who is in love once in a life with success love will have one definition of love but on the other hand, the meaning will be unmatchable in the case of somebody who was quite offended by love. So the real meaning of love is yet to discover. Especially, we love our pets, our plants in the pot even our pillows which have been with us on those nights when all of them had turned back on us. What is true love then? Is it only happening between two opposite sex? Is it true love is the same as it has been described in movies where winds blow high moon got enlarged and blah blah? I didn't know until I find myself on the ocean of that controversial four-letter word- LOVE.
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| Always wanted to see the sunset together. |
YES, I too experienced true love for the first and foremost time in my life but it was not intentional. To be honest every love story starts with the approach to a girl by a boy( in most of the cases I'm talking about) but in mine, it happened just the opposite. So I start from the beginning. For kind information to readers, her maternal home and mine house are close to each other. In the early days of our childhood, we used to play together. I'm not bluffing I used to feed her food because she only eats when I fed her. She used to call me Anu dai and it has a story too. There was a relation of neighbors between us There was no blood relation between us and we were just neighbors but the kind of relationship we were having like playing together eating together talking sharing was beautiful. I have never ever thought that the girl I'm playing with will stole my heart one day and make me restless.
The year was 2076 Baisakh after the SEE examination, she opened a Facebook account and for God's sake, I sent a friend request for her to see her on Facebook not to start LOVE but just to start the casual talk. We start talking and our chat was not just 5 minutes chat, it was hours and hours of chat. We have like chatted for almost a month regularly. We used to share everything, every tiny thing. During the course of our chat, her grandfather got ill. Our chat got more intensive as I knew her grandfather very well as he was my neighbor. Her grandfather lost the battle with death and on Baisakh, his death occurred. He was the coolest man I have ever met with nice and well-being. He was an exemplary human. She came to his funeral too. Before her grandfather's demise, she proposed to me saying she feel more comfortable and easy sharing things and she like to say the three-letter magic words to me. I was too close to her than ever and had started to like her. I too accepted the proposal and our chats went several days. After weeks or more she suddenly left a message saying we couldn't be together, don't message me, I will tell all things you later. I was shocked to see her message. I was recently getting a love feeling in my life and all of sudden my love house topple down like a sandcastle. First few days I didn't reply to her as she demanded and how could reply she had blocked me after leaving that message. After a few days of self struggle to cope with the situation and feeling restless I messaged her the number. First few messages she replied. I asked her what the hell has happened to her and why you disappeared. Maybe she didn't have answers or she was not interested to give answers she never replied. I was feeling restless after her behavior of not replying to me. At the same time, my exam routine has been published. I couldn't able to focus on my preparation, every time I was thinking about her. I even watched a few episodes of Sadhguru thinking they will heal me but they too didn't work. I struggle a lot that the intensity cant be expressed in words.
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| I will be waiting for you... |
We also used to talk on Instagram during our love days. I check Instagram every day thinking today she will reply to me but my expectation got washed by upset. Slowly it started to feel habitual to struggle with her thoughts and imagination. One day I saw that her Instagram profile got changed. The small circle of my profile on Instagram got changed and got a new photo that made me suspicious that is she ignoring me. So I made a fake id on Instagram and searched for her via my fake account and found her!. I immediately followed her as her account was locked a request to her account had been sent. But it allow her to send a message and I messaged her saying I'm Sharad of Baglung. Luckily she replied saying I didn't recognize you. I immediately says I'm your old lover and gave her my real intro. I don't know whether she acted or was real she was sorry for all that happened and for all my suffering of mine. She also said that she was beaten by her real maternal uncle thinking about her involvement in love affairs but he didn't actually know who was it. She also says it's not possible for us to be in relationships because we are relatives. I consoled her telling her the truth that we are not related by blood but only by neighbors. But maybe she never believed or never gets interested she never replies back. I felt really upset seeing all his behavior so I tried to stop myself from sending and try to convince her. But the heart is crazy and it never listens to any other vibes once it's committed. The sad days continued for some weeks and I consoled myself for not being upset for the reason where there is not any fault of mine and also people have their own choices and maybe I am not her choice. Everyone got the right one at right time.
After about 2 years and a half, I again found her on Snapchat and the story continues. I again consoled her that our relationship is not by blood and she talks for a few days and of course, she vanished. I asked about her with one of her friends and according to her, my so-called loved phone is not in function. After a few days after her birthday, I found again her on Instagram by a strange name, and yeah shit again same things were about to happen. I was as usual thinking about consoling her but Nah I didn't do it this time. Valentine's week started at that time. On purpose day the most stupid man in this universe which is me again purposed to her even though that message was still unseen on her Instagram.
I finally concluded that this four-letter word is not made for me and yeah I'm fading of this shit. But God bless her wherever she goes and wishes to happen. She once said that she loves to go to Switzerland and Canada is on her bucket list. May God fulfill all her wishes and make her destiny a fine path of rose petals. But I'm still waiting for you and always will wait for you. Every day I suffered thinking one day she will return to me with magic and it took me several times until I recognized that destiny sometimes take away your wishes and that fate is real. This might sound like a confession to you readers but it's the reality I lived up and am living. Everything got cleared up and I made a decision to take care of myself. A great lesson I learned from all this is nothing is certain and to prepare for the unexpected.
( The story is real based story and if it hits you then just enjoy it as a blog and left a comment to your beautiful soul)
-Nama Raj Bhusal
I have come to understand why you've always kept your distance from love and relationships. It seems you've already given your heart to someone who perhaps didn't even deserve it. It's like a movie, but now I believe it's real. I hope everything works out for you. Time heals everything, and I believe it will heal you too. Take care, brother! See you soon.
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